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You did a bad thing. It's not the worst thing someone's ever done online, and most people know not to take what a stranger tells them on the internet at face value. But if feeling terrible doesn't motivate you to make changes But some people think it's okay to do terrible things so long as they have the decency to feel terrible about having done them.

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If you're not one of those people—if you actually feel bad—doing something about it and learning something from it will alleviate your misery. Here's what you need to do: End things with your boyfriend. Write him an e-mail, tell him the truth about your age, marital status, and unavailability. Don't share your real name with him; you're under no obligation to do so, and if he turns out to be the vindictive type, CATFISH, you don't want him to have your real identity.

Apologize for not coming clean when he did—he lied to you too at the start—and thank him for the pleasure of his virtual company and the joy he brought to your life. Then block him. Here's what you need to learn: You didn't do this because you're miserable—or you didn't do it just because you're miserable. You did this because it was fun. We call it "play" when children pretend to be someone or something they're not; child's play is also, yes, a coping mechanism. And nothing makes a child's playful fantasy feel more real than a good friend who plays along.

Most adults don't make time for play—most of us aren't LARPers or kinksters—but even adults need play, and some adults need play more than others. You found a space where you could play that online fetish forum , and you found a playmate who helped make your fantasies feel real a guy you've never actually met and who could still be lying to you about all sorts of things. It got out of hand when arousal, orgasms, oxytocin, and promises you couldn't keep got stirred into the mix. The play made you feel better at first, but the dishonesty and stress of deceiving two people eventually wiped out the benefits you were getting.

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It would be great if you could do that with your husband, CATFISH, but if he's not willing or able to play with you, get his okay to play on your own. I am a year-old straight woman, and I haven't been in an intimate relationship for seven years. I feel deprived of physical contact, but I also have some obstacles to pursuing intimacy at this point in my life. My vagina is seriously out of shape. In fact, it was a challenge to have sex with my last partner, because he was rather well-endowed.

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I had to work up to it, but it finally worked. My libido is on the low side, but it still flares up now and then. I also have herpes, plus I'm taking an antidepressant that makes it hard for me to orgasm.

But even with all that, I've enjoyed sex in the past. Someone who enjoys all the other aspects of sexual intimacy besides penis in vagina? How would I find such a man? I'm not necessarily just looking for sex—a compatible companion would be great. Your best bet for finding a man these days? Dating apps and websites, including dating apps for seniors. In her discussions with a potential new partner, NFI should explain that she'd like to get sexual in stages—and then explore and delight each other sexually, including orgasms, without PIV as the goal.

But if she might enjoy PIV in the future, she should keep her vagina active with solo sex including a dildo or penetrative vibrator. Don't wait until the right penis comes along.

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Joan Price's new book, Sex After Grief: Follow her on Twitter JoanPrice. He does not like to be hugged.

Got a question for Dan Savage? Call the Savage Love Podcast at or email Dan at mail savagelove. Savage Love Apr 9, Savage Love Overfished by Dan Savage.

What Younger Gay Men Really Think About Older Guys (And Vice Versa)

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